Communications 101 – Sharing Your Heart

Who's your confidante?

From the time I was young, I got used to moving around a lot. I’ve traveled much of this glorious world (though not as much as I would have liked – yet!), and I’ve now lived in three different countries.

Growing up I sometimes felt envious of people who had known their group of friends since kindergarten – I early sensed the richness of having access to that kind of companionship.

All the same, I have been blessed with many lifelong friends, some near and some scattered around the world. These are the kinds of friends that you can pick up with right where you’ve left off – whether you saw them last week or 5 years ago. These are the kinds of friends who are worth their weight in gold!

One of the reasons I value this type of friendship so much is that I witnessed my parents being torn from their own roots when we moved across the country to where we mainly knew no one. And while family is beautiful, it makes it very tough on the existence of young parents when there doesn’t seem to be anyone around to confide in, to share the everyday joys, troubles, and even hum-drum experiences of life.

Human beings were meant to exist in community. Withdrawing yourself from this community for an extended period of time only causes problems – unhealthy introspection, loneliness, depression, limited perspective, defensiveness, lashing out…we just aren’t meant to be alone!

Having friends from various walks of life to confide in broadens your perspective. It provides a safe, healthy outlet, refreshment, joy – even correction when you need a little help in steering your course.

In my life I’ve witnessed a few groups that are very prone to excluding themselves from a community of confidantes for a period of time – young married couples, new parents, and home based business entrepreneurs seem especially prone to this mistake. Sadly, by the time they come to realize it, it can be too late to salvage what they had before.

There are many different kinds of confidantes for the different areas of life. There are friends you can tell anything too, coaches you may call upon for a certain aspect of business, therapy, mentorship, spiritual counsel. Those who value and take advantage of these kinds of relationships the most are often the most successful – they’re usually the ones you look at and wonder, “Just what is it that they have?”

When you’re working from home, the need for people to confide in only becomes greater. You need both personal and professional acquaintances you can be honest with – people that you don’t need to keep up the show around. You need people to sharpen you as iron sharpens iron, lest you get lost in your own perspective, harming your spirit and your business.

Get fired up this fall to start sharing your stories!

The approach of autumn seems to bring about a renewal of zeal for work and ‘back to school’ sense of expectation for just about everyone, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve actually hit the books.

I have one last summer hurrah coming up on Labor Day Weekend when I’m off to spend time at a friend’s cottage, and then I’ll be gearing up for an exciting mini-course I’ve signed up for with superstar copywriter Cathy Goodwin & Internet empire builder Connie Ragen Green on storytelling.

Aside from the thrill of getting to sit at the feet of some great mentors, I am even more excited about the theme of this course, which is all about how you can use your own personal stories throughout your marketing efforts.

The truth is, anyone who is marketing anything can find it very easy to fall into the hype trap when it comes to the way you’re communicating about your product or service. You know what you have to sell is amazing, so you’ve gotta get out there and pump it up to get people as excited as you are!

To an extent, of course, this is necessary, but all too often your hype can overflow into the point where you’re putting people off by promising something that seems too good to be true, or offering more than you can actually deliver with the intention of getting people in the door and clearing up any misconceptions later.

If you consider yourself to be any kind of ‘conscious’ entrepreneur, you know that people just don’t want that stuff anymore. Your real and true authenticity in your communication is going to reach so much farther than any hype ever will – and its effects will be much more lasting.

Of course, one of the most authentic ways to communicate about your product or service is through your stories!

Figuring out how to use the everyday stories of your life to both make connections and make sales will make a drastic difference in your marketing efforts – and it’s a lot easier to be natural than to try to come up with all that hype!

If you’re interested in learning more about the upcoming story class with Cathy Goodwin and Connie Ragen Green, visit here to find out more information. And in the meantime, consider some of the ways you can be more authentic with your customers and clients:

What brings this kind of smile to your face?

I heard the most beautiful story about confidence and alternative forms of communication the other day…

I was speaking with an amazingly energetic heart-centered entrepreneur; she was sharing with me about the new directions her own business was taking – some of them very unexpected.

This woman is an incredible energetic guide – in my experience I’ve rarely heard someone with such a brilliant capacity to listen to others and really draw them to the meaning of what they are trying to express, work through, or understand. She has a gift for truly feeling and bringing out the energy behind peoples’ words.

She was telling me about what has been emerging for her in her business, and how some of this newness has been coming out in her work with physical therapy – something she’s been doing part-time for many years.

She shared how the work was something she felt called to do, but really didn’t enjoy much of the time – her work is in nursing homes with older people, and physical therapy just never seemed to be a pleasure for either the therapist or the patient – it had to do so much with forcing movement and causing pain that it didn’t always seem worth the results!

Then she told me something that was just thrilling to hear – she happens to be a belly-dancer, and decided to start working with her patients – residents of nursing homes – in belly dance!

The patients – both men and women – found that they loved this type of movement. It was natural, flowing, fun – nothing like the forced and often painful manipulations they were used to going through.

This therapist had no idea the results it would bring – when she returned after some time away she found all the residents asking the other therapists, “When are we going to do that again?”

She had people asking for her card, therapists asking her to train them so they could work with people in this way – it’s all exploded beyond anything she could ever have anticipated; it’s even brought a real joy back to her in her physical therapy work.

Let me tell you, I was just enthralled with this story and I had to share it. I’ve never done belly dance (though I’ve always wanted to try it!) – but just the idea of it conjures such confidence and acceptance of the beauty of the human body (no matter what size, shape, or age!) to my mind.

The idea of it being used as a form of physical therapy is just so perfect and so creative – I love it!

Not only that, but imagine the confidence it would be inspiring in these people. Rather than having to submit to an unpleasant and difficult experience, they are given the opportunity to express themselves through movement – something that is joy-filled and freeing. Imagine the effect that would have on other areas of their lives as well.

Effective communication and confidence – they are so intertwined.

Pearls of Wisdom & Wonder

One of the world’s authors who has spoken the most wisdom into my life is Madeleine L’Engle.

Whether I’m reading her books written for children or those written for adults, my heart always responds to the love that permeates all of her works. As any great author must do, she expands my world through the words she’s written, so that I am inspired to think beyond whatever I may have done before.

That is why for many years, my favorite quote from her has been this:

“But if I knew everything, there would be no wonder, for what I believe in is far more than what I know.”

I don’t believe it was really even meant to be ‘quote’ material – it’s simply a sentence spoken by the character Poly from a scene in the book, An Acceptable Time, buried among the rest of an excellent story.

But the first time I read those words, I was struck by them. I highlighted the sentence in my book and have pondered it many times over the years.

There is so much in this statement to unpack and draw from, but what I gain the most from it right now is to understand that life – and effective communication within community – is an ever-learning process.

Communication can come to a halt when we begin to think that what we ‘know’ is all there is. The truth is, I can never know all that there is to know about you, and you can never know all that there is to know about me.

The real wonder of this world is that we do not know everything, which means that there is always something more to discover and enlighten and empower us – if we choose to allow it.  

Chuck Klosterman sharing one of his stories...

One author whose work I particularly enjoy is Chuck Klosterman. He has a fairly eclectic body of work, having gone from sportswriter to music journalist to pop culture authority – and his encyclopedic knowledge of all things modern coupled with a great sense of humor always makes for entertaining, educational reading!

In one of his essays he talks about the advent of reality programming through MTV’s The Real World. As an experiment, it could have gone in many different directions – of course we see the results of this wildly successful genre becoming more popular daily.

The point I found most interesting and thought-provoking was the one Klosterman made about how the show’s ‘actors’ eventually chose to represent themselves. He discusses how the format of the show evolved into each participant being known only by one particular facet of their character, meaning later contestants actually tried out for the show with the intention in mind of becoming known by an easily definable tag – ‘the militant political guy’ or ‘the sweet, simple Southern girl’.

Instead of being portrayed as complicated human beings with the multi-faceted characters that all of us possess, it seemed that people were now striving to be defined by one major aspect of their character, causing a kind of social dynamic shift that creates a tendency for all of us to fall into this trap of looking at each other in a one-dimensional kind of way.

If you want to read the full analysis, I highly recommend the book, Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs, by Chuck Klosterman (an enlightening and humorous commentary on pop culture), but in the meantime, I’d like to consider what this kind of one-dimensional defining does in a Web 2.0 world, particularly in combination with Social Media marketing.

The success of social media and how it has affected the consumer market hammers home once again how great the depth of desire is for people to be known – for people to create community whether they live in a village or a city.

But the temptation is also there to keep that ‘knowing’ on the surface – to put people in a box where you are defined and forever known by only one aspect of who you are or what you are offering.

Of course, it can come down to a fine line as it is very important to do things like narrow your niche market, brand yourself in a particular way, and remain professional.

So how do you allow yourself to be a little more transparent?

How Can You Begin to Cross That Bridge?

For several years I lived in downtown Minneapolis, and during that time I had the honor of various friendships and acquaintances among the Latino and Hispanic community that populated a major section of the city.

One particular woman stands out in my memory – she owned a shop in a ‘Hispanic’ mall in the Phillips neighborhood where she sold art pieces and occasionally cosmetics.

As I got to know her a little better I learned she was originally from Chile. Her career in her home country had included a stint as an award winning swimmer and diver, a distinguished science degree, and a  high up position in a laboratory in a major company.

She continued to share how when she came to the US, the only job she was able to get, in spite of all of her experience and accomplishments, was that of a cleaner – and that it was because she was unable to communicate well in English.

I’ve heard similar stories from many immigrants who have moved from one place to another, where simple communication is the greatest barrier between who they are and who they are perceived to be.

The world continues to see evidence of this kind of misunderstanding on a fairly regular basis – one instance that comes to mind is the ‘throwing of the shoe’ at President George Bush during an unscheduled visit to Iraq shortly before his presidential term came to an end.

I know many people watching in the West thought of it as a rather bizarre, even amusing incident – but how many perceived the depth of meaning that truly lay within that particular act? As the boundaries of  miscommunication come into play, how many people even realize how great the gulf can be between perceptions?

What does this all have to do with YOUR message?

Fortunately for you, you have the opportunity and the ability to ’see both sides of the story’ to some extent – because if you truly care about sharing your message with the world, you will also care about how it is perceived!