Communications 101 – Sharing Your Heart

How Can You Achieve Truly Powerful Communication With Your Target Market?

I used to be a big letter writer. With friends and family scattered over the globe, it was a truly joyful thing to sit down with a particular person in mind and compose words expressly for them. One of my favorite things to do when I was done writing was to decorate the envelope in a collage of magazine picture cutouts, just to add one more touch unique to that person.

Now, I must confess, I’m lucky if I get Christmas cards out every other year!  While Facebook and e-mail have certainly made it easier to keep in touch, they’ve encouraged some laziness in me on that end as well. That’s because writing a personal letter is significantly different than dashing off an e-mail or a wall post.

You’ve got to sit down with a pen and paper (ever noticed how actually writing for a significant amount of time gets harder on the hands the more you get used to the keyboard?). It may be special paper that you’ve picked out – something that has meaning for you or for the recipient.

You’ve got to think about what you will say, how you will put it, remember all the details, the inside jokes, the references to things only the two of you will understand. You want to draw some sort of emotion from the person receiving your letter – joy, memory, shared sorrow. All of that takes some serious thinking!

You might include something else along with your words – a photograph, a newspaper clipping, a child’s drawing. It’s a significant attempt at really reaching someone else.

Once it’s written and ready to be sealed, you’ve got to make sure you have the envelope, the stamp, the address. A trip to the post office might be involved. As busy as our lives have gotten, even these simple tasks and expenditures can seem like a lot!

Finally, you send it off. What’s your feeling when that mailbox closes over your precious cargo? You’ve created something important – something that will hold special meaning for a fellow human being - something they may keep over the coming years as a reminder of you and your relationship.

I know when I receive a letter in the mail, it’s a special day. I wait until I get home before I open it. I examine the envelope, think about who it’s from, prepare myself to really soak in what that person has to say. When I first read it I run over the words quickly, wanting to devour it all at once. Then I go back over it more slowly, feeling my joy through the big smile that is on my face.

Over the next few days I’ll think of that person more. I’ll feel singled out and special to have heard from them in such a way. I’ll talk about them more to my husband, put the pictures they may have sent on the fridge, start thinking about what I might right back to them.

It’s a profound journey – this writing of a letter. Even when it comes to someone you’ve known for years, it still takes a significant amount of effort. You hold a picture of that person in your mind as you write – a vision of them that allows you to be incredibly specific and meaningful to that person.

In business, you’re also writing letters all the time, but it never seems to even get close to the power of a real letter, written to a long-time acquaintance. Would it ever be possible to achieve that same kind of connection with your market through a letter written by you?

What brings this kind of smile to your face?

I heard the most beautiful story about confidence and alternative forms of communication the other day…

I was speaking with an amazingly energetic heart-centered entrepreneur; she was sharing with me about the new directions her own business was taking – some of them very unexpected.

This woman is an incredible energetic guide – in my experience I’ve rarely heard someone with such a brilliant capacity to listen to others and really draw them to the meaning of what they are trying to express, work through, or understand. She has a gift for truly feeling and bringing out the energy behind peoples’ words.

She was telling me about what has been emerging for her in her business, and how some of this newness has been coming out in her work with physical therapy – something she’s been doing part-time for many years.

She shared how the work was something she felt called to do, but really didn’t enjoy much of the time – her work is in nursing homes with older people, and physical therapy just never seemed to be a pleasure for either the therapist or the patient – it had to do so much with forcing movement and causing pain that it didn’t always seem worth the results!

Then she told me something that was just thrilling to hear – she happens to be a belly-dancer, and decided to start working with her patients – residents of nursing homes – in belly dance!

The patients – both men and women – found that they loved this type of movement. It was natural, flowing, fun – nothing like the forced and often painful manipulations they were used to going through.

This therapist had no idea the results it would bring – when she returned after some time away she found all the residents asking the other therapists, “When are we going to do that again?”

She had people asking for her card, therapists asking her to train them so they could work with people in this way – it’s all exploded beyond anything she could ever have anticipated; it’s even brought a real joy back to her in her physical therapy work.

Let me tell you, I was just enthralled with this story and I had to share it. I’ve never done belly dance (though I’ve always wanted to try it!) – but just the idea of it conjures such confidence and acceptance of the beauty of the human body (no matter what size, shape, or age!) to my mind.

The idea of it being used as a form of physical therapy is just so perfect and so creative – I love it!

Not only that, but imagine the confidence it would be inspiring in these people. Rather than having to submit to an unpleasant and difficult experience, they are given the opportunity to express themselves through movement – something that is joy-filled and freeing. Imagine the effect that would have on other areas of their lives as well.

Effective communication and confidence – they are so intertwined.

Pearls of Wisdom & Wonder

One of the world’s authors who has spoken the most wisdom into my life is Madeleine L’Engle.

Whether I’m reading her books written for children or those written for adults, my heart always responds to the love that permeates all of her works. As any great author must do, she expands my world through the words she’s written, so that I am inspired to think beyond whatever I may have done before.

That is why for many years, my favorite quote from her has been this:

“But if I knew everything, there would be no wonder, for what I believe in is far more than what I know.”

I don’t believe it was really even meant to be ‘quote’ material – it’s simply a sentence spoken by the character Poly from a scene in the book, An Acceptable Time, buried among the rest of an excellent story.

But the first time I read those words, I was struck by them. I highlighted the sentence in my book and have pondered it many times over the years.

There is so much in this statement to unpack and draw from, but what I gain the most from it right now is to understand that life – and effective communication within community – is an ever-learning process.

Communication can come to a halt when we begin to think that what we ‘know’ is all there is. The truth is, I can never know all that there is to know about you, and you can never know all that there is to know about me.

The real wonder of this world is that we do not know everything, which means that there is always something more to discover and enlighten and empower us – if we choose to allow it.  

Chuck Klosterman sharing one of his stories...

One author whose work I particularly enjoy is Chuck Klosterman. He has a fairly eclectic body of work, having gone from sportswriter to music journalist to pop culture authority – and his encyclopedic knowledge of all things modern coupled with a great sense of humor always makes for entertaining, educational reading!

In one of his essays he talks about the advent of reality programming through MTV’s The Real World. As an experiment, it could have gone in many different directions – of course we see the results of this wildly successful genre becoming more popular daily.

The point I found most interesting and thought-provoking was the one Klosterman made about how the show’s ‘actors’ eventually chose to represent themselves. He discusses how the format of the show evolved into each participant being known only by one particular facet of their character, meaning later contestants actually tried out for the show with the intention in mind of becoming known by an easily definable tag – ‘the militant political guy’ or ‘the sweet, simple Southern girl’.

Instead of being portrayed as complicated human beings with the multi-faceted characters that all of us possess, it seemed that people were now striving to be defined by one major aspect of their character, causing a kind of social dynamic shift that creates a tendency for all of us to fall into this trap of looking at each other in a one-dimensional kind of way.

If you want to read the full analysis, I highly recommend the book, Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs, by Chuck Klosterman (an enlightening and humorous commentary on pop culture), but in the meantime, I’d like to consider what this kind of one-dimensional defining does in a Web 2.0 world, particularly in combination with Social Media marketing.

The success of social media and how it has affected the consumer market hammers home once again how great the depth of desire is for people to be known – for people to create community whether they live in a village or a city.

But the temptation is also there to keep that ‘knowing’ on the surface – to put people in a box where you are defined and forever known by only one aspect of who you are or what you are offering.

Of course, it can come down to a fine line as it is very important to do things like narrow your niche market, brand yourself in a particular way, and remain professional.

So how do you allow yourself to be a little more transparent?

How Can You Begin to Cross That Bridge?

For several years I lived in downtown Minneapolis, and during that time I had the honor of various friendships and acquaintances among the Latino and Hispanic community that populated a major section of the city.

One particular woman stands out in my memory – she owned a shop in a ‘Hispanic’ mall in the Phillips neighborhood where she sold art pieces and occasionally cosmetics.

As I got to know her a little better I learned she was originally from Chile. Her career in her home country had included a stint as an award winning swimmer and diver, a distinguished science degree, and a  high up position in a laboratory in a major company.

She continued to share how when she came to the US, the only job she was able to get, in spite of all of her experience and accomplishments, was that of a cleaner – and that it was because she was unable to communicate well in English.

I’ve heard similar stories from many immigrants who have moved from one place to another, where simple communication is the greatest barrier between who they are and who they are perceived to be.

The world continues to see evidence of this kind of misunderstanding on a fairly regular basis – one instance that comes to mind is the ‘throwing of the shoe’ at President George Bush during an unscheduled visit to Iraq shortly before his presidential term came to an end.

I know many people watching in the West thought of it as a rather bizarre, even amusing incident – but how many perceived the depth of meaning that truly lay within that particular act? As the boundaries of  miscommunication come into play, how many people even realize how great the gulf can be between perceptions?

What does this all have to do with YOUR message?

Fortunately for you, you have the opportunity and the ability to ’see both sides of the story’ to some extent – because if you truly care about sharing your message with the world, you will also care about how it is perceived!